Cloud69 Sex Blog

Now I’m not one who makes a habit out of complaining about people getting naked and drilling each other in movies, but occasionally it’s painfully obvious that the director is going for something artistic(lazy/unnecessary) or possibly has never had sex. There are plenty of sex scenes in movies today and some are gratuitous and others are funny and a few are epic. This list covers scenes that may overlap into the previously mentioned categories but the entire time lend to a sense of confusion and afterwards people asking themselves “what the fuck just happened?”

Munich:

The last scene in the film overlaps Eric Bana having sex with his wife while having flashbacks to his actions with Black September. Black September was a Palestinian militant group that was involved in the kidnap and murder of 11 Israeli Olympic athletes in Germany in 1972. Just these two events spliced together is enough to make one uncomfortable. Film students like to mix sex and violence to shock the viewer and possibly to get their indie film noticed by Michael Bay. Luckily it’s not a very long scene. The sex part is pretty standard and the flash back just shows Bana having a moment of hesitation before killing the Israeli hostages with a machine in just a few seconds. The scene climaxes with Bana climaxing. See what I did there? I’m assuming it’s supposed to represent that sex with most men is similar to a machine gun going off for a minute or two. - Source

"I think that's where you should fuck your wife"

Revolutionary Road:

This next entry isn’t so awkward for the viewer as it is for those involved in the filming and production of the scene. Those I’m speaking of are Kate Winslet, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Sam Mendes. Kate and Leo being the ones doing the deed while Sam was directing them on how to make it look better. This seems like a good a time as any to tell you that Kate and Sam are married. Now this type of thing doesn’t happen often, unless of course you’re the type who hangs out with Mitch’s wife from Old School. Kate had trouble dealing with how weird it was for her and Leo’s response being the gentleman he is told her to “get over it.” - Source

not pictured: husband/director/tool

Shoot ‘Em Up:

This movie starts out with a pregnant woman running past a bus stop being chased by a man with a gun. Clive Owen sees this and decides to get involved. No, this isn’t another Segal movie. He saves the woman and helps her delivery the baby and tries to protect her. At one point there is a, not surprisingly, failed attempt to let a hooker take care of the baby.(The guy from The Hangover must not have been available) Later on Owen is in the middle of drilling the woman who clearly has nightingale syndrome, and they are attacked by trained mercenaries. Unphased by this recent development, Owen makes no attempt to stop banging her. Instead, he decides to continue whilst rolling around the room and shooting all of his attackers. He also fires at least 15 shots form a handgun which shows that, just like his penis, he doesn’t have to reload. - Source

If Clive Owen ever sleeps with your wife, just let it go

Reno 911!:

Anyone who is a fan of the show is accustomed to seeing multiple scenes with some body part of sexual act blurred out. So once they had a feature film you knew they would take full advantage. The officers stay at a motel that apparently only has 8 rooms and they are the only occupants. Lt. Dangle had planned on sleeping with Wiegle but vomits once he sees her sunburn. Raineesha gets turned down by Jones who is looking for Johnson who has just avoiding a pathetic come on by Garcia. Then Raineesha runs into Kimball. Kimball is upset because everyone thinks she’s a lesbian. As she is talking two six foot plus black girls walk out of her room in shorts and sports bras and announce that they and Kimball are going to play some ball. Jones finally finds Johnson and start heading towards his room when Raineesha sees him and he goes back to pretending to be sick. Raineesha gets pissed off and goes back to her room and finds her dildo. As Jones is heading back to his room he walks in on Garcia jerking off. He is running away and is continuously disgusted as he sees everyone has ended up alone in their room masturbating. I don’t even have a joke here you just need to watch the scene below. - Source

Chronic masturbaters

Pink flamingos:

This is one of the most outrageous, disgusting, perverted, notorious, and controversial movies ever made. Even that is kind of putting it lightly. Imagine Borat level shock value, then throw in kidnapping, slavery, feces eating, drug use and murder. It’s labeled a transgressive comedy(make that a hyperlink), which basically means go past social boundaries and in this case possibly legal boundaries. The ridiculous sex scene that makes this list pales in comparison to some of the crazy shit that goes down in this film. I don’t even know how to set this scene up so I’m not going to try. A girl named Cookie is sent over to Crackers trailer as a spy. I’m not sure why she had to go inside. If you can get to one window there’s not much you can’t see in a trailer. Instead Cookie and Cracker have sex and while doing so a random chicken gets caught between them and is subsequently crushed to death. Also another character, named Cotton, is watching the entire thing. Probably using that single window idea I mentioned earlier. I’m not sure if this summary made you want to see this movie or avoid it all at costs. Either way, I’m not putting any videos up so more power to ya. - Source

This is one of the most disturbing woman I've ever seen

I could have made this list inappropriately long but instead decided to pick and choose to talk about a few scenes. There are a few honorable mentions I would like to um… mention. First up, Crank High Voltage. There’s nothing like a semi rape to get your heart going and prevent dying. I’d also like to take this spot to mention that there is a real movie called Donkey Punch. Dan Ackroid gets a BJ from a ghost, a midget duck gets laid, that chick from Clerks fucks a dead guy, and the boys from A Clockwork Orange have high speed sex to the sounds of Beethoven. Also Sacha Baron Cohen is basically starting his own entire category of ridiculous sex scenes.