Cloud69 Sex Blog

There is an incredible amount of porn out there and its quality varies significantly. At one end of the spectrum there are huge productions like the Pirates movies that have big name actresses and special effects. On the other end there some chick taking pictures of herself with her top off. Now the latter is fine when it’s a text from your girlfriend or something like that. Anytime someone goes looking for porn they want a little bit more than that. The only time it’s semi acceptable is with something like Girls Gone Wild. The quality with that stuff isn’t great but no one expects it to be and it’s all spur of the moment. What’s really pathetic is the amateur stuff that tries to be mainstream and fails miserably. Here are some reasons why.

Camera work:

Any quality film will have a camera guy. It’s this person’s profession and he should have some schooling or training. Also it’s this person’s only job so he can concentrate on it and hone his skill. These are the reasons he is called the cameraman. In an amateur video there is no such person. There is a guy who is in charge of the camera, and he may or may not be holding/operating it but, even if he claims otherwise, he is not the cameraman. There are only three ways that amateur porn is filmed. The first, which is the closest to the cameraman, is the guy who is doing his best to hold a camcorder very still and tape his friend hooking up with some chick. He was probably too embarrassed to get naked on film or the girl refused to sleep with him.

Not really a cameraman

The second type is the tripod. This may be one of the most common methods. You set up the view you want and it supplies a steady picture. You just need to know where the record button is and not forget film and you can pull off the tripod method. Lastly, and rarely used, is the handheld method where the guy doing the scene is also attempting to film at the same time. This does take some skill but no one can really pull it off and it usually ends up looking like the Blair Witch porno spoof.

Directing/Producing:

In legitimate porn someone is in charge of what everything costs, getting everything set up, organizing the actors and set and making sure everything happens when and how it’s supposed to. These people are paid for what they do and often times have agents who promote their experience and help find them work. Once again in amateur porn this doesn’t always actually exist. There may be a guy who “kinda put the thing together” but that’s usually the extent of it.

"Hurry up! My mom will be home in an hour"

Half the time there isn’t a director or producer credited because the people making the film don’t even know how to do make credits appear on screen. If they do it’s always redundant because it’s one or two guys that put the whole thing together and they just did it so they could see their names a bunch of times. Also there’s nothing really to produce. No one is keeping track of film costs and actor salaries. Casting probably consisted of one guy saying “hey I’ll give you 100 bucks to sleep with my friend and let us tape it.” Basically the ‘producer’ is the only one who could convince him mom to let him make a movie in the basement.

Actors/Actresses:

So let’s assume you’ve watched one porn flick every week for the past ten years and that each one only had two people in it. That means ignoring watching the same person more than once you’ve seen over 1,000 different porno actors/actresses. This is only one person. I don’t even know what to multiply that to consider everyone else that watches porn. I admittedly did not pay much attention in statistics. What I’m trying to get at here is that there are a huge number of people participating in porn. Amateur porn consists of people who couldn’t break into this field of thousands and thousands of people. The ones who star in professional porns were probably strippers or waitresses in Hollywood when they were younger and got discovered by a big time producer. That’s how it works. Haven’t you ever seen Boogie Nights? It’s exactly like that. No one discovered amateur porn stars. There isn’t even any market opinion of if the actresses are hot. The two people having sex hopefully find each other attractive but that’s pretty much it. Amateur porn actresses are kind of like the kids who couldn’t make the track team in high school even though they don’t make any cuts.

Amateur porn stars

Setting:

The setting isn’t terribly important once the action gets started, but it is important for foreplay, scenes leading up to sex and the occasional attempt at a plot. Some films try to make a pseudo real movie that just happens to include a large amount of sex and nudity. You may not be able to describe an amateur porn set off the top of your head but you know it when you see it. It will usually involve a bed or possibly a couch. This depends if one of the people actually own their own house or apartment and don’t mind other people getting busy where they like to watch Monday night football. The other classic look is the plain looking room with the ever present drapes or curtains that are supposed to hide wall paper or paintings that would ruin the mood.

Not pictured: Quality

The camera is always set in one spot(refer to the tripod setup above) where all the action takes place. People will usually enter the screen from the same side because the room is probably too small and doesn’t have space on the other side. Also there are long breaks between someone walking off and back onto the screen. They are most likely adjusting the camera(refer to director/producer/cameraman above).

Editing:

People have become a little spoiled with special effects recently. They watch a movie that was made ten years ago and can’t believe how awful everything looks. Most don’t realize the technology and expertise that goes into making a movie like Transformers look the way it does. When was the last time you tried to make a video with any kind of effects? A high school science project? How terrible were all of those? This is the caliber of effects we’re talking about here.

My powerpoint presentation on Oprah

You know it’s not top notch when the transitions are the equivalent of what you did in your latest powerpoint presentation. Honestly, I don’t think I would enjoy anything with production value that I could duplicate and unless you’re a film maker neither should you.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that there is no good reason to watch amateur porn. It is lower quality in every aspect and there is plenty of free non amateur porn to enjoy. Basically just consider what a buddy of yours would do if he tried to make a porno, and that’s what you can expect.