Cloud69 Sex Blog

Sexually transmitted diseases are clearly a major issue in the US today. Contrary to popular belief propagated by drug companies, having an STD does not mean your life consists of bike rides and lying on the beach with your beautiful boyfriend or girlfriend.

Not real life

A more accurate description is told in lyrics of Eminem songs like Role Model. They aren’t pleasant and everyone who contracts one hates themselves and the person who gave it to them. No matter what you see on television there is nobody in a relationship with an STD with someone else who doesn’t and is fine with that information. Here is a list of states that have the highest rating of STD(syphilis, gonorrhea, and chlamydia) reports. These numbers are per every 100,000 people. That means if the number is 5,000 then for every 100,000 people in the state 5,000 of them have a reported STD. If you don’t understand that then there is a pretty good chance you already have an STD. - Source

1. Mississippi: 1030.8 per 100,000

Well congratulations Mississippians. I’m sure this wasn’t a list you were trying to be on top of. Unfortunately there aren’t many positive lists that Mississippi tops. They are annually near the bottom of educational rankings throughout the nation. And to top it all of Ole Miss just lost to an unranked South Carolina football team and lost their number 4 ranking. On a more positive note Root beer was invented in Biloxi in 1898, even if the inventors name was Adolf. Shortly after in 1902 President Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot a captured bear and thus was created the teddy bear. I could not find any confirmed reports that TR had or was responsible for spreading any STDs.

TR did what he wanted

2. South Carolina: 850.7 per 100,000

So any South Carolina football fans who had a good laugh at Mississippi’s expense probably got real quiet real quick when they saw they were next on this list. North Carolina wasn’t even in the top 15 of any STD ranking. I wonder if those people consider themselves better than people from South Carolina. Is this a big rivalry I’m not aware of. What about North and South Dakota or Virginia and West Virginia. At some point back in the day one of them thought they were too cool and didn’t want to be associated with the other and split. I did find that the salamander is the official state amphibian.

Fuck you, salamander

Who felt the need to invent that official honor for each state? Are there even 50 different amphibians? I bet most people can name more STDs than amphibians.

3. Alabama: 791.9 per 100,000

Is anyone else noticing a correlation between top college football programs and states with high STD rates? In case you were wondering Florida and Texas both have high numbers of STDs but they don’t make the list because their populations are to high so it’s not as high a percentage. I really don’t get surprised when I hear anything about Alabama after I saw the Leprechaun video.

The one dude says he has a magic Leprechaun flute that’s been in his family for thousands of generations. Thousands! Humans haven’t been around for thousands of generations, let alone America or that dude’s family. You can find plenty of people still angry about the Civil War when you visit. In 1861 the Confederate flag was designed and first flown in Alabama. So they really can’t complain since they basically started the whole thing. It makes it easy when you have a scape goat. Who knows what else they started? Thanks a lot for the cold war Alabama!

4. Louisiana: 723.7 per 100,000

Louisiana has a little leeway in my book. I’m a pretty big fan of the Trueblood show on HBO and assume from it that there are a ton of hot women in small towns scattered all over the state.

(pic of someone from show) New Orleans is located in Louisiana which is the home of Mardi Gras. I’m way too conservative of a guy to really try and experience the event but I do enjoy reading about it and watching videos of it. I also enjoy being able to throw beads all women with low self esteem in hopes that they will take off their shirts. It’s kind of ridiculous how easy it is. And you can always just find the girl with a ton of beads so you know what she’s all about. Just a few minutes ago I’m pretty sure I saw Alabama was the crawfish capital of the country but I’ve just read that Breaux Bridge, LA is the crawfish capital of the world. Enjoy thinking about that one for a while. Maybe it’s a seasonal type of thing. Just like I bet there are a ton more STDs floating around during Mardi Gras than any other time of the year.

Can't imagine why

5. Georgia: 656.1 per 100,000

I’ll admit I don’t know much about Georgia except that apparently it’s the state with the fifth highest rate of STD reports. Also there is the college football powerhouse corollary again. I do remember reading that Atlanta is a very fun town and that there are women who aren’t terribly picky about their men and just want to have a good time. I’m not going to make assumptions. This could just be the culture of the city but it could also be because they have some sort of STD and will take whatever they can get. We may never know. But I do would be curious to see how often Georgia football is ranked the same in the BCS as it is in state STD reports.

6. Tennessee: 609.4 per 100,000

Tennessee seems to be on the up and up. Unfortunately it’s moving up this list as its STD issues are a serious concern. They are worried about rising cases in women as young as 14. My only experience with Tennessee was when I went there for a basketball tournament over the 4^th of July. No matter what they feel about the north they do love the celebration. Of course that could just be the excuse to get really drunk and watch fireworks. I was not of legal age at the time but I got a kick out of people waiting in line for beer with two beers in hand. They were done by the time they got to front, purchased two more and sauntered back to the end of the line. Now being a little older I can definitely see myself doing that. The lines were very long.

Champ or chump?

Maybe more people should hang out in line for beer and not sleep around so much and they might have less STD issues.[Editor’s note: We are not promoting drinking among 14 year old girls in Tennessee]

You may have noticed that all of these states are in or around the southeastern part of the US. Many of those states don’t get the funding to educate kids or help take care of people who have issues with STDs. On the positive side if you don’t live in that area and have an STD you may have much better luck finding someone who isn’t so judgmental if you head down there looking for a good time.