SEVEN OF JAPAN’S STRANGEST SEX TOYS
The Wii’s Not The World’s Only Fully-Interactive System
Video games and relationships have historically not been the best of friends. Aside from a high school buddy of mine who organizes World of Warcraft dates with his girlfriend when he’s back home, the male practice of slouching into a couch, flicking his fingers on a plastic pad and yelling at a TV for a few hours hasn’t given men the power of seduction of, well, virtually anything else that isn’t farting.
But, of course, here come the Japanese to the rescue.
The Playstation game Rez, billed as a ‘music-shooting’ game but one that’s more like a rave with the whole cast from The Warriors, comes with an attached ‘trance vibrator.’ It doesn’t have a suggested use, so you’ll have to use your imagination. Gamers are clever folk
Take this anecdote from GameGirlAdvance.com, where the author was watching her boyfriend play the game and digging in with the vibrator.
‘We sat side my side on our makeshift couch, I with the trance vibrator and Justin with the controller,” she writes.” As the levels got more advanced, so did the vibrations… revving up to an intense pulsing throbbing…
“Oh, God!”
She was a fan.
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That Ain’t Kosher
Why beat your meat when you can spoon it, talk to it, grope it, caress it, kiss it, tickle it and rape it? You can, we suppose, beat it, too.
According to BestUncensored and the Mainichi News, a restaurant in Tokyo’s Roppongi district has opened its doors to a new style of dining: finding out just how tender your meat is before you eat it.
“The gist of it is, members pay a hefty fee at the door to be allowed to… ‘have their way’ with the animal of their choice - which is subsequently killed, cooked and served to the violator and his party for dinner!” writes BestUncensored.
At the point of consummation, it’s not dead yet, allegedly, so at the very least, it’s not a bestiality-necrophilia double-team. But hey, this is Japan, so feel free to comment if such a thing exists.
The whole experience allegedly costs $7,000. You’ll have your choice between chickens, dogs, pigs and goats of either sex.
http://porkyourpork.bestuncensored.com/pork-your-pork
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Pussy Finds A Home
A decade ago, Hello Kitty started on the shoulders. But this is 2009, and the cat’s migrated to the pussy, after “naughty girls found another use for it.”
Available only in the UK, LoveHoney’s selling this for just under 10 GBP in the ‘Super-Blowout’ sale.
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Double Penetration For The Very Lonely
It’s white, it’s big, but it’s allegedly Japanese. A big, white Japanese ‘Extreme Hip Life Size Realistic Vagina and Ass’. Just out from the Utensil Race series of masturbators – which could be a Japanese play on words for a large group of people who rely on their anatomic utensils – is this very soft, very pinchable and very penetrable silicone and latex masterpiece.
Utensil Race prides itself on more realistic means of masturbation; of course, such a pursuit actually calls into question exactly how much of a permanent occupation the masturbator wants to make the masturbation. The hand works as a stopgap measure: it’s the spackle of the sex world. But when you start getting into dual-orificed modern marvels, it signals a person who might be single to stay.
As for the product, it features ‘zero-diameter technology,’ which is supposed to simulate the feeling of ‘pushing through layers of muscle.’ You know how it got so good? Utensil Race claims that it came from ‘a huge survey of 70,000 vaginas.’ Men think with their penises; apparently, women talk with their vaginas.
Weighing 5 kilograms, it is billed as billing ‘very soft’ and ‘little fragrant.’ Most importantly, it’s ‘not perforated.’ Ya know, just like real vaginas.
http://www.lovehoney.co.uk/product.cfm?p=14775&var=B
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Storming The Prostate
This thing looks like it’s right out of one of the new Star Wars movies, like something the emperor holds in his hand to direct a bunch of stormtroopers. However, they would only work if the emperor were massaging the stormtroopers’ prostates.
As anal sex toys have grown in popularity among Japanese males lately, according to this website, men have looked for things a little more involved – this is, after all, the country that brought you Wii. No longer are phallus-shaped dildos or plugs enough, Kanojo claims; rather, now you need something that’ll stay put and really go after the prostate…like a stormtrooper going after an Ewok.
And if that’s not enough…it has a vibrator.
http://www.kanojotoys.com/index.php/climax-enema-stimulates-prostatewith-vibration/
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Gentleman, Start Your Orgasms
For those of you who, while mowing the lawn on a sweaty summer afternoon in the suburbs, thought man I wish I could fuck my lawnmower, check this out.
It’s a simple process. First, you put in a canister with textured surfaces into the business end of this device. Second, you turn on the engine. Third, you put your penis inside.
And according to Gizmodo, it has a ‘faux-flesh orifice with ‘Heaven’ scrawled across the side.’ This sounds like it would be somewhere in a middle circle of hell.
http://gizmodo.com/gadgets/gadgets/pink-japanese-blowjob-machine-249962.php
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Getting To Know You (Getting To Know All About You)
Ok, this isn’t Japanese, but what other culture could make a product that involves such deep probing as one that so emphasizes Finding Yourself. Well, now you can find your inner self – or whatever self rests 8-to-9 inches deep inside any of your more hospitable caverns.
This guy acts half as a vibrator, half as a camera. Plugging into your TV or VCR, it’s got a micro camera on the tip that records what’s inside as it goes deeper. With a silicone tickler sleeve, a 14-foot RCA cord, 1.25 inches of girth and a whole lot of questions to be answered, it also uses 4 AA batteries, just in case you need to look inside when you’re a little far away from electricity.
The images, sadly, are in black and white.
http://www.sextoysex.com/prod_info.php?a=sextoyspro&pnum=SE0094-00